My Drive to Work Next to the Millennium Falcon, I Presume
By Roz Young June 15, 2010
I’m the first person to admit that I am not an excellent driver. Also, I couldn’t navigate my way out of the cookie aisle at the grocery store. In my defence, cookies are delicious. However, I am not a complete $#@%*ing idiot. My adventures driving to work this morning are described here for your enjoyment…
So, after I drop my husband off downtown, I’m driving down the road to work and notice some dude in a gray car beside me. He’s on his cell phone. Dumbass. As we drive along, I start to wonder if he actually plans to turn up ahead when his lane ends, of if he’d like to get over in front of me. So I make room. But, he doesn’t have his turn signal on and he doesn’t seem to be slowing down despite the fact that his lane is ending. The idiot begins listing lazily to the left. Good thing I gave the ‘tard some space, because he just ignores the rules of traffic and enters my lane to continue moseying along while he chats it up.
At this point, I’m just rolling my eyes because he’s stupid and on his phone. BUT! Once he’s in front of me, the jackass slows do to 20 freaking km/h!! It’s fifty on this road buddy! We slow to a crawl. A fancy black BMW behind us cuts around me and flies down the shoulder to pass the man driving, what I have now decided, is the Millennium Falcon. His earlier “manoeuvre” was a weak attempt to escape the tractor beam currently enforcing the painfully slow speed we are travelling. They have you now Han! Han Solo continues his chat with Luke Skywalker, who I think might be giving him directions.
When we stop at the red light, there are two lanes again and Han is happily gabbing away to Luke in front of me. I’m really hoping that he’ll go slow again so I can pass by and get a look at this guy. But, he gets the signal from Luke that Darth Vader is after them, and he guns it. Based on my own speed (about 60 km/h) going down the hill, I would guess that Han hits at least 80 km/h before he jumps to hyperspace. There’s a sale for scruffy looking nerf herders only and this dude needs to get there ASAP.
