Death Troopers Review
By Roz Young, February 7 2011
Are we friends? Do you like Star Wars? The answers to these questions are “No” and “Fuck No” if you haven’t read Joe Schreiber’s “Death Troopers” yet. Matt and I both cruised through this thing in a matter of days, so no excuses. It’s crazy fun and hilariously scary. From here on in, there will be spoilers, so go out, get a copy, relish the hours you spend feasting on it’s pages, and then finish reading this blog to reinstate yourself as my friend.
Holy shit, you read Death Troopers! You are awesome! And that book is awesome! High five! Ok, down to serious business. Matt and I think that George Lucas should untwist his tightly clenched granny panties and agree to let someone turn this gorefest into a movie. An all out, R-rated (for ridiculous violence, hells yes!), zombie nightmare in space. We love Star Wars, and so do an ass load of people old enough to see a big kid movie in the theatre. These people are also the generation(s) of zombie lovers. It’s time for Star Wars to nut up or shut up. It’s time for Star Wars to get messy. It’s time for Death Troopers!
When a plague breaks out on a prison barge and the guards, Storm Troopers, and inmates on board all start vomiting blood and craving the flesh of the living, I get hungry. Hungry to watch the carnage on a huge screen with delicious buttery popcorn at my fingertips! Matt and I have decided to tentatively cast this bloodbath, so all the hard work is done for producers. You’re welcome. PS We also think the brains behind District 9 should make this happen. Those guys can do amazing things with small budgets, and they know all about aliens and aliens exploding bits of goo everywhere. We love you, please use lots and lots of fake blood.
Giant spoiler alert! Han and Chewbacca are in this book. They kick ass. Zombie ass. Pinch me.
Han Solo - James Franco. This is one of the best ideas I have ever had.
Dr. Zahara Cody - Summer Glau. Who else should be our babe in space?
Captain Sartoris - Sean Bean. Type casting, maybe, but you can’t argue with the results.
Warden Kloth - Paul Giamatti. This is seriously perfect. It blows my mind. Gooey chunks all over.
Trigg and Kale - There are two teenage boys on board. We like casting some fresh faces here. Mmm fresh face. The zombies will love it.
Chewbacca - Himself
Death Troopers FTW!! 