Squirrels of Doom - First World Problems

First World Problems
By Matt Baker, July 12 2011

So if you’ve been poking around the internet lately you may have noticed a new meme circling: First World Problems. It wasn't started by this video, but it is a pretty decent example. Essentially the idea is that people in the first world get upset by some pretty stupid stuff. And that is totally true. I mean yes, it is really irritating when Apple announces a new iPhone 2 months after you bought yours, but when you talk to your co-worker who left their home in Croatia to because they got tired of all of their friends disappearing in a genocide, all of a sudden your iPhone problems just kind of slip away. At least until you go home and your refugee friend fades out of your mind.
In honour of this phenomenon I thought I’d come up with a list of some of the trivial problems that plague my life to remind myself that when all is said and done, I’ve got it pretty darn good.

I hate doing dishes. I mean, I really hate it. I’m filled with anxiety and unfocussed anger just thinking about the fact that I have to go home tonight and do dishes. What I wouldn’t give for a dishwasher.... I do my best to reuse dishes for all the snacking that I do in the evenings, but I’ll never get rid of dishes entirely.
Cleaning the Sharpie labels off my test tubes before I autoclave them. It’s not that it is hard, it is just tedious. You spend all this time doing Science and then you are left with a bunch of tubes that have to be cleaned and no peons to do it for you. I spent like 20 minutes doing this today, when I could have been working on writing reviews for the website on my work computer.
I’m way behind on writing stuff for my website dedicated to my favourite frivolities. I apologize to everyone for this, but I have a lot on my plate lately. I just got a new Xbox 360 for free from my internet provider (thank Telus, you’re awesome) and I have a bunch of new games to play now. How am I supposed to finish my review of Rubber with that going on? I swear I’ll finish it after I write this blog.
I just got this free Xbox 360 and now I have to buy a bunch of games for it and I just spent good money buying LA Noire for my PS3! I mean, I’m not made of money!
I moved in to a new apartment recently and I can’t afford to buy enough shelving to store all my books, movies and video games, so they are just in piles on my floor. It looks terrible.
I also can’t afford to buy the love seat I need for the reading nook I intend to make once I have my bookshelves. Reading on my couch, or pulling my comfy chair into the sunny spot by my balcony is nice, but it just doesn’t have the cosiness that a dedicated reading nook provides. I want to lounge on my love seat, covered in the colourful Mexican blankets I bought on the year I took off to travel, with a cup of tea and be able to grab any book I want from my big hardwood bookshelves.
I really want to go to film school in Vancouver, but before I can apply I have to finish my PhD. That’s, like, a whole ‘nother year of work.
I just bought all this stuff for my new apartment and I’m going to have to move it all in a year when I move to Vancouver. That’s a lot of work! I’ll probably just sell most of it and buy new stuff when I get there.