Outraged Pedestrian to Belligerent Driver
By Roz Young March 2, 2009
To make a long story short, I don’t like driving. I only got my license when I was in my early 20s and I’ve generally avoided driving since then. Now, the way our life shakes down, I drop my husband off downtown each day and drive to work at the university. He’s a suit and has a real job in a cubicle farm… Sucker. Regardless, I have to drive more now than ever before. And it took me about 2.5 seconds to go from an angry pedestrian to a road raging driver.
The other day, a showcase of idiots paraded into my life when we were making a left hand turn to go grocery shopping. I’ve made detailed diagrams for you. This way, we can marvel at the stupendous stupidity of these people. Morons. All of them. I came to work and told Matt all about it. Over and over. With much swearing.
So, in our black sunfire (“Us) we are approaching a left hand turn near a crosswalk. Idiot #1 is driving an Alberta-sized blue truck. She’s trying to be nice, I think, so she slows down and stops. She waves to us that we should turn and she’ll kindly hold up traffic behind her for no effing reason. Well, the people in the lane beside you don’t know that honey, so we can’t turn. She continues to hold up traffic while cars in the lane beside her slow down thinking a pedestrian is crossing. Idiot #2 has his turn signal on and also wants to make a left turn. He gets right up our ass, probably wondering we don’t just turn if Idiot #1 is kindly holding up one lane of traffic for us. Dumb ass.
Now, a slow moving pedestrian enters the picture. She is meandering down the sidewalk looking like she has tapioca instead of grey matter. I have no idea if she is actually going anywhere in particular, but she seems to be approaching the crosswalk. Idiot #2 is fed up at this point and changes lanes. I presume he’s headed to the lights further up ahead and will make his impatient left elsewhere. Idiot #1 is still waving at us to go! Seriously lady! Get a clue! She is looking at us like we’re the idiots.
